Listen to that voice inside. You know which one I am talking about. It is the voice that you push to the back of your mind when it says, “Hmmm . . . I don’t think everything is adding up here.” Do not let the excuse -- the one you created to deal with the one he created -- cover up your voice.
“No you heard me wrong. What I said was . . . ” or “I was just kidding when I called you those names,” are some of the excuses he may use in the beginning to pardon his behavior. The best excuse of them all “You’re just jealous.”
When a guy purposely flirts with other girls in front of his girlfriend, he is not respecting her and this could be a sign of an unhealthy relationship. I am not talking about the occasional checking out or talking to the opposite sex. This is natural for both men and women. What is not natural is when he does this intentionally with blatant disregard for his girlfriend’s feelings.
Natasha and Nito—Warning Signs
**The names of those involved in this story have been changed**
One of my friends, Natasha dated a guy called Nito. From the stories she told me, Nito had minimal respect for her and himself. He brought Natasha to his friends’ going away party. His friends were all girls. Natasha knew no one and he did not bother to make sure she was comfortable.
At one point in the party he actually grabbed Natasha’s arm and just started to twist it until she begged him to stop. He did this in front of everyone.
For most of the party he sat next to a specific girl and spoke to her the whole night. He eventually called Natasha over and asked her if she wanted a drink. She thought he was being polite. When she walked over he began to laugh at her. With the girl watching, he smirked poured the drink and then gulped it down himself. Laughing he told Natasha she could get her own.
Natasha was fuming. She knew if she pulled the same stunt he would be hurt.
About an hour later, everyone was posing for pictures. Natasha did not want to participate, but because it was his friends she complied.
Nito and his girl friend were standing near Natasha. Someone offered to take a picture. Nito shoved Natasha out of the way. “I just want a picture with her,” he said. “I was so upset, but I couldn’t believe this was my boyfriend. He didn’t treat me like this when we were alone,” Natasha said.
Natasha left the apartment. He chased after her. While he had her cornered in the stairwell, he began to shout at her and blame her for the scene she caused. Natasha told me she was frozen and did not know what to think. She was embarrassed. She believed that she was causing a scene in front of people she did not know.
But I think it was Nito who was making the scene. With anger and desperation he punched the wall next to her and shouted “what do you want from me? Blood?!”
His excuse for that incident, “I was just joking about the drink and you spoke to other people the whole night,” he said. Of course she did. What else was she supposed to do? But I think he expected her to just sit in the corner while he had all the fun. I do not think he made an excuse about the wall punching, but the message was clear—you are next. Natasha would soon feel the weight of his hand, in another incident that involved him being disloyal.
What was Natasha’s excuse for this? She felt that she could be a little jealous and maybe he was just joking around. Besides she had guy friends also. The arm twisting—again he was just joking around. She thought maybe she was not giving him enough space, since it was his friends going away party. Later she told me she realized that she did have guy friends, but in this relationship she never saw them.
4 comments:
Dear Natalie
It is a great idea to use video as a feature on your blog - and it works, too, i.e. is not too big to download and easily accessible. Good job. It really adds to the credibility of your blog that you make your full name transparent.
I like the link to warning signs of an abusive relationship and the narrative is really stirring. Good job.
The story of Natasha and Nito is written really graphically. I can just imagine the situations! Do you have any examples or stories about abuse in homosexual couples or abuse of men by women? I know your blog is more about empowering women but I thought the other two aspects are interesting, too.
Hi Stine,
Thanks for the suggestion on writing stories about abuse in relationships other than men abusing women.
Abuse is an unfortunate reality in our society that is not exclusive to woman. The information in this blog is written from a female perspective as this is the most common type of abuse. However, the stories, advice, and information is written for all and I hope will help anyone who is dealing with conflict. Whether it be a man or woman, gay or straight, black or white, everyone has experienced some type of strife in their life. I hope that what I present in my blog will allow anyone to apply it to anything in their lives.
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